Hello Internet

By on July 24, 2015

Hello, Internet.

It’s been awhile. Two plus years even…unless you follow my twatter, then it probably hasn’t been long enough. But if you don’t, you might have wondered wtf happened to this POS blog.

I have pretty much given up SEO blogging because 1) how do you ever top a giant rhino fart as your drops mic post and 2) SEO is a dumb activity. You’re basically building castles in sand with 100% of your SEO efforts, be they white, grey, black or socially evolved rainbow hat. Therefore, it follows, talking about SEO is dumb. Publicly posting tactics and methods in plain view is even dumber, seeing how it just helps the web spam teams adapt quicker to snuff out working loopholes.

Bottom line, I felt that if I wasn’t going to discuss anything valuable, why even have a SEO blog. So I quit posting. Took my act back underground and started picking up the pieces from the digital colonoscopy that Google gave me after that snuggie exposure incident.

Most people haven’t figured out that the best defense against web spam isn’t an algorithm, it’s the propoganda machine that SEOs insist on helping self perpetuate for the Gorg. If someone pokes their head up and makes a scene in front of the minions, the spam team is uber quick to drop the hammer whack-a-mole style. Seeing someone get torn down is a great deterrent for keeping the SEO masses from coming over to this side of the fence and dirtying their toes in the muddy water of automated SEO shenanigans. After being on the receiving end of their swift retribution, I decided once was enough and to get the fuck off the public radar.

Mission accomplished. I’m still ranking top 3 for hundreds of earning terms while traffic to this site has basically plummeted to a bunch of spambots and the random guy looking to learn how to do the scrapebox. That’s a win win all around, from a SEO perspective and for achieving less noteriety.

So why am I standing (seriously, get up off your ass already, sitting will kill you…or at least make you weak) here writing all this if I’m not blogging about SEO anymore. Am I pulling a Rocky running the steps while jamming out to Eye Of The Tiger, ready to retake my rightful place at the pantheon of SEO idiot bloggers? Nope, I’m not…

Instead, I’m going to try this little thing called content marketing. I’m pretty sure it used to be called blogging but I guess it’s really hard to charge clients exorbitant fees for something that sounds like a video game involving a frog and a freeway. Industry shift left on three, two, one…and Voila!

Content Marketing is the new new. It’s just like blogging, only two words, neither of them silly sounding. Plus we can get a bunch of data and metrics and stuff to make it seem more important. Give them bitches some graphs, everybody loves graphs.

Stolen…err curated from Tumblr

You’re probably wondering “Grind, if you’re still killing the SERPs, why are you going to try something completely different while ridiculing it at the same time?”

That’s a pretty good question and while I try not to delve too deeply into the pscychology behind why I do the shit I choose to do, the fact of the matter is that automated SEO is no less time consuming than manual SEO. You just get a lot more sites ranking (if you’re not just an idiot button masher like most “black hats” I run into) with the same time expenditure. And the time investment in SEO is a formidable speculation with the only non renewable resource we control in our finite time populating this sphere spinning through space around a life sustaining heat source.

It’s hard to stay on the cutting edge of SEO tactics without full immersion and dedication to constant testing. Bringing it full circle, as I mentioned above, building assets based on someone elses rules & platform is a fools game. Almost last but certainly not least, my inner smart ass needs a voice. Preferably one that gets to make fun of other people that take themselves way too seriously. Combine all that with some long term exit strategy projects that I don’t want to be dependent on SEO in any manner and you can think of this a test run. Content up, son.

What The Fuck….

What will make this project a success? I’ll be monitoring social shares and traffic metrics above all others, but if I can load up on natural links from Barry and the like, that’s a plus. My first go round with this shit show earned enough relevant natural links to turn this site into a PR4 in a few months, which is a basically a useless metric unless you really want to dial in your bot blocking game. So, traffic, social engagement, user engagement on site. If it proves worthy, I’ll take the same approach with some other sites outside the marketing vertical and let this thing die an ugly death. Again. Maybe for the final time.

So yeah, content marketing. What is it actually? While I’m semi convinced it’s this giant eternal hamster wheel of incestual link sharing by agency types and thier ilk, others think it’s best described as:

Via en.wikipedia.org
Content marketing is any marketing that involves the creation and sharing of media and publishing content in order to acquire and retain customers. This information can be presented in a variety of formats, including news, video, white papers, e-books, infographics, case studies, how-to guides, question and answer articles, photos, etc.

Ok, that’s cool and all but I’m not really the infographic or e-book creating  type and time is short if I want to keep the income level where I can do what I want when I want, so I’ll have to explore some of the other other formats.

  • List of lame shit I can do to “market content”   Editors Note: This was actually the placeholder for a list but lists of lame shit abound in content marketing. It stays.
  • News – Curate and comment on shit that other people post, easy enough.
  • Video – Maybe with some overlay pop up ads ehh?
  • White Papers – Can we quit with the racist bullshit already? Papers of any color works just fine.
  • Case Studies – Not outing my own, maybe I’ll curate some.
  • How To Guides – Good idea. I’ll make one on How To Not Clutter The Internet With More Useless Guides.
  • Question And Answer – AMA time. “Grind, why are you so lame?” Yeah, maybe not…
  • Best Of Compilation – Treading on hallowed ground here, pretty sure most content marketing success is regurgitating others bullshit.
  • Listicles – Hell yes I will, it rhymes with testicles. “WTF Grind, are you 5?”

Right, that’s about it for today.

Purpose explained. Check.

Delivered subversive lesson on how to utilize proper linking optimization so as not to pigeonhole your site into a googlebot u-turn factory. Check.

Tongue in cheek warm up shots across the bow fired. Check.

Cool featured image. Check.

Utilized another little known ranking factor that 99.9% of readers will never notice. Check. And no, it’s not the OBL to Wikipedia. We’re not in 2008 anymore.

Acted like an elitist prick. Check.

I’m done here.

Thanks for reading,

Grind

P.S. Bang those social sharing buttons before your bros can, get in on this content marketing circle jerk.

P.S.S Let’s engage in those comments down there. Don’t get greedy with your anchoring and I’ll let you have a sweet ass PR4 (maybe, I haven’t checked if it’s been downgraded lately) low OBL link.

About Grindstone

Just a guy who loves SEO and making money on the intertubez. Low tolerance for stupidity and self-righteous assholes. Thinks he's funnier than he is, just ask his wife. Wrote this stupid blurb in third person because it's annoyingly amusing to him. Might help you rank your projects if the numbers are right, but probably not.

13 Comments

  1. boner

    July 24, 2015 at 11:37 am

    So, basically you’ve become a giant pussy….

    • Grindstone

      July 24, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Became would indicate something changed….

  2. CCarter

    July 24, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    Now I know SEO is really dead, Grind’s become a “content marketer” now…

    • Grindstone

      July 24, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      SEO is so dead. Literally no sites on the first page of any google search anymore. **tumbleweeds**

  3. Scott

    July 24, 2015 at 2:52 pm

    If content marketing didn’t jump the shark in 2012, it sure as hell just did now. Welcome to the world of media manipulation.

    • Grindstone

      July 24, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      I’ll approve this comment if you +1 my instagram on your pinboard after tumbling my XING.

      • Scott

        July 24, 2015 at 3:16 pm

        I’d be happy to tumble your XING.

        • Grindstone

          July 25, 2015 at 6:38 am

          You can take the marketer off Wickedfire but you can’t take the wickedfire out of the marketer.

  4. johnathan nader

    July 25, 2015 at 9:42 am

    Well, grind always putting out information that is decades old in internet time.

    But still read it, curse you content marketing

    • Grindstone

      August 6, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Fuck.Nader

    • boner

      August 6, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      Shut your filthy whore mouth Nader.

  5. Mike

    August 24, 2015 at 6:52 am

    “little known ranking factor that 99.9% of readers will never notice”?
    Creating buzz by talking about non-existent ranking factors 🙂

    • Grindstone

      September 9, 2015 at 11:14 am

      You got me. Buzz is definitely a measurable data point an algorithm can score. #derp

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