Why Guest Blogging Fucking Blows

Ya, that’s a serious post title. Because internet is serious business. How serious? This serious. That’s some next level Skynet shit right there. And to protect such a lucrative environment, the big G leaves no stone unturned when rooting out undesirables like carders, fraudsters, black hat SEOs and Romney supporters…joking on the last one but holy shit my twitter feed was polarized election night, I’m not sure how Obama’s economic “plan” fits in with increasing big technology bottom lines and stock holder happiness but Silicon Valley must know something  I don’t, I’ve never seen so many “big business” peeps fervently endorsing the most anti-big business President since Carter.

 

**Grind, WTF? Politics? We’re not here to read your tinfoil hat ramblings on politics…only SEO and (not so) funny jokes…stay on task please.**

 

Sorry weird scary voice in my head that talks to me in super bold WaFo style headlines, I’ll try not let it happen again.

Guest blogging. Panda hit. Penguin hit. Everyone freaked out even though they understood very little of what was going on (just like G wants it) and shouted the tiniest bit of correlation as CAUSATION from the rooftops their blogs at Spinal Tap This One Goes To Eleven volumes, which led everyone else to repeat it. Once it had been shouted blogged enough times, it was just fact. Simply was. Disregard the minor issue that trying to hit a moving target like the G algorithm is akin to skeet shooting blindfolded while riding the tilt-a-whirl at your local carnival after snorting bath salts with two carnies and the guy who cleans up the elephant poop….

 

**Grind, FOCUS!!!!.**
…gah, there I go again.

So idiots SEOs using one data point amongst thousands convinced other idiots SEOs that they knew what Penguanda was all about and they convinced their sheep readers of the same and eventually it was accepted as truth. And one of these wild half ass guesses fundamental truths of commonly accepted theories SEO best practices was that guest blogging was the future. Guest blogging was white hat. Guest blogging was safe. Guest blogging was what G wanted to see. And on the 8th day, they all guest blogged.

And the internet was automagically fixed for everyone, everyone’s user experience shot through the roof, Bing and Yahoo faded into non-existence and G stock prices reached record highs, Dom bottles were popped, people were flying like a G6…oh wait, that’s not quite what happened is it? No, it’s not. Let’s try that again. Guest blogging was safe, guest blogging was what G wanted to see, so “white hats” guest blogged and hoped to regain their Panda (even tho it was really Penguin) slapped rankings, grey hats automated guest blogging outreach, black hats built guest blogging platforms and then….

The same shitty fucking content that nobody wants to read on your blog is spread all over the blogoshere. Yay, user experience. Yay, eyeball retention. Yay, ad displays. Yay, revenue. Yay, stockholders.  Right now heads in Mtn View are nodding, “That fucking Grind, he sees behind the curtain sometimes. Think we should remove him like we did Osama?” I’m kidding bros…call off the pro’s…please?

Guest Posting Sucks Because Your Content Sucks.

If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have to post it all over to get it noticed. If it was actually original and engaging, if it was worth reading, people would come seek it out on their own, it would get linked to naturally and shared socially (click them social share links bros, I’m tired of eating Vegetable Ramen), in short,  it would become legendary.

Posting shit content on multiple sites just spreads the ecoli from the toilet all over the bathroom. And that subsequently forces G to hire more maids to clean this shitty mess up. Endless shite cycle ensues. Why? Writing really high quality content is hard, it takes time, and there’s no way most people can create enough engaging content worth sharing over a multitude of thinly disguised white hat spam targets “guest blogging” opportunities.

Sure, the big media boys with content departments and tons of interns can do whatever they want, but really, the high quality shit being published on the web right now is done by hard core total immersion specialists, the guys and gals who live and breathe their niches (anal bleaching anyone?) and would be writing about it even if it wasn’t better money than flipping burgers or street corner begging. Some CMO-Content Marketing suit and their team isn’t going to be able to produce the quality engaging material that someone who absolutely loves the topic is capable of sharing with their readers. And if you don’t believe me that guest blogging has jumped the shark, Matt was forced to address it in a GWH video (pretty much the death sentence of misdirection for any technique).

So, down with guest blogging, up with link begging….oh, and if anybody wants me to guest post on their site, email me!

Published by

Grindstone

Just a guy who loves SEO and making money on the intertubez. Low tolerance for stupidity and self-righteous assholes. Thinks he's funnier than he is, just ask his wife. Wrote this stupid blurb in third person because it's annoyingly amusing to him. Might help you rank your projects if the numbers are right, but probably not.

26 thoughts on “Why Guest Blogging Fucking Blows”

  1. But Grind in his video Cutt’s says “there are a couple ways to interpret it” that obviously is Google code for “We will decided if we like it or not only on the merit of the site you get the blog post on not the actual content” and you are missing out on the “Real” reason guest bogging does not suck. If by some freak miracle I get my content up on a high traffic site I will get a 2-5% CTR with that post. Which might increase the exposure and social signals of my stuff since people might like my “guest post” and then actually go to my site and read my content more often and share that. Since Google “says” that social signals help it still worth a shot. And you and I both know that if you can get even the worse guest blog post on a pr 5-7 site regardless of how crappy the content is Google will be all over dem nuts… just saying.

      1. It’s chiseled into the foundation of every datacenter but you have to know the Illuminati codes to find it. Either that or I saw it on a Cutts’ video.

  2. Classic Grind, Classic. And, your wife is right. Always. Remember that. Thanks for grinding that out. I needed a way to laugh at SEO today and you made it happen.

  3. You know, I’ve starting writing one thing to argue with you. Then I deleted it.

    Then I started writing something else. I deleted that too.

    I want to disagree with you, but I actually think you’re right.

    Bugger.

      1. Same. I wanted to agree with Amy (Farrah) Fowler to disagree with you but now I agree with her that maybe I don’t need to disagree but rather I need to agree with you because maybe you’re maybe right. Maybe.

        “That feeling” indeed.

  4. Entertaining to say the least, but also very apt. I think one of the downfalls of the Google updates and subsequent guest blogging craze is the bloating of the internet with 400-words-worth of poor quality content everywhere you turn. There’s got to be a fall out soon or the internet is going to get not only boring, but messy (if it isn’t already). I for one think we need to move away from the guest blogging tactic to a degree, though I don’t know what would reasonably replace it in terms of content creation and sharing.

    1. Agree on the bloat of short low qual short farticles, err guest posts, this one was 831 words and I’ll be honest: I mailed it in early. Less time constraints and I could have easily ranted for another 2000 words (of debatable quality) on the subject, just like anybody who is really passionate about any subject could. 400 words is a good intro paragraph or segue into nonsense, as is normally the case round here.

      though I don’t know what would reasonably replace it in terms of content creation and sharing.

      Interaction, just like you’re doing here. I think high quality comments that add to the discourse and cultivate more sharing of ideas/counterpoints bring a lot more value to the future of the internet than posting each other’s articles in some giant cyber circle jerk. Besides, you still get your link out of it. And I get a high quality outbound link. ;)

  5. Guest blogging is fine – IF it’s content someone actually cares about… nonsense fodder just for more fluff is just that… fluff. If you can contribute something worthwhile for my site that’s fine, otherwise, post it on your own site – Your post came up in my G Alerts – awesome

  6. ” I don’t, I’ve never seen so many “big business” peeps fervently endorsing the most anti-big business President since Carter.”

    Just wait until the bill comes due for all the hip and trendy collectivism–and it will cost much more than money.

    They know tech, but they don’t know history, apparently–shaking hands with the devil.

    1. I had to google that. I’ve also been called the Tucker Maxx of SEO in the comments section of this blog, I’m not sure which is the bigger insult/compliment.

  7. Found your blog when Google took me to another article of yours. Thought I’d check out the latest article as your sense of humor and irreverent (not a misspell of irrelevant!) writing style had me hooked, but disappointed to see nothing in last 6 months or so. What’s happened bro? You’re missed.

    Was gonna leave a request for next post subject, how to pick an affiliate product to make loads-a-money, hope you can get round to it!

    From a hue man bean (nearly missed that – just clicked in time)

    1. Was gonna leave a request for next post subject, how to pick an affiliate product to make loads-a-money, hope you can get round to it!

      Want my bank account and social security numbers while I’m at it?

  8. Grind, the little bit I agree with you if you do not have the best stuff or content to show your guest post will sucks you also it matters when you have more focus on just guest blogging it means you are allowing yourself to write anything quality or spam everything that is exactly the thing your guest blogging sucks you.

    1. I’m 99% sure I have no clue what your actual point is but for the love of all things internet-y, plz tell me you’re outsourcing your guest blogging to someone who can communicate.

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